When the Shoe Fits… the Timing of Falling in Love

Some of us are wishing so badly that we’d fall in love or meet Mr. or Ms. “Right” that we force it to happen, even when we  know it’s not exactly the right fit.  We do this because we want love to happen on our own time — to avoid the pain of loneliness and the fear of being alone forever, or due to our own fear over not getting what we want out of relationships and life.

It is kind of like trying on a shoe that is close to our size, but not exactly a fit, but buying it anyway because it looks so good on, and there’s not another shoe around that you like better (ladies, you know what I’m talking about here).  Some people either go for it and get involved in the wrong relationship (wasting lots of time when the clock is ticking, ladies!) or stay in a relationship that does not fit for much longer than they should, simply because they don’t see another relationship candidate around that they like better or are fearful that they won’t find one that they like better.  Or fearful that they won’t find that person in time to have children.  And, they are fearful of the pain of being alone again.

But in matters of the heart, the same physical pain that you experience with every step in the wrong-sized shoe you will experience emotionally when you try to force-fit the wrong relationship.

He or she may be the most beautiful, handsome, smart, fun, accomplished person on the planet, but if they are not right for YOU, all that really does not matter.   All of those “outside” attributes are not really what we fall in love with… we fall in love with what’s on the inside.  The sense of humor, the way a person thinks of and experiences life, the way a person expresses him or herself, their values, their character, their smile — these are the things that truly make us fall madly, irrevocably, gooey in love.  But how to sort for all that inside stuff?

It’s a connundrum that has not yet been solved by modern medical science.  There is no pill, no sorting mechanism, no place to meet singles yet that has figured out how to match you with the right person.  It is also why you have to meet the person before you can even start to determine if they are “the right fit.”
there is no website reporting (accurately, anyway) all those things going on inside.  All you can do proactively is to learn from what has “worked” in the past to optimize your chances, and focus on making YOU your best version of yourself.  Finally, you can decide NOT to start a “wrong fit” type of relationship out of avoidance of lonliness, or fear of being “the cheese who stands alone” forever, because doing that takes you off the market and takes your energies away from being open  and available for Mr. or Ms. “Right.”

One thing I truly have learned from personal experience — when the shoe fits, you KNOW it fits.  There is no doubt.  You won’t have to ask yourself the question, “does this really fit me?”  or, “am I settling?”  Your gut will tell you the answer.  Trust it.

Once you have made the hard choice not to continue to walk around in the “wrong fit” relationship, stay tuned to my blog for tips on “optimization” and learnings from your personal past, and making YOU the best version of YOU in preparation for meeting your soulmate.  After having interviewed 4,000 singles and seeing literally hundreds of them meet and marry over the past 7 years, I may have some insights that will help you.

 

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